We need to rekindle our bromance
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
