i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
