is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
