Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
