I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
