***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
