I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
