Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
