Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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