i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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