I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
