The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Randomize
