i need an iv and a liver transplant
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
