Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
