The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
