and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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