I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
