I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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