Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
