Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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