Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
