you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
