make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
