the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize