brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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