I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
