Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
