She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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