You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
