theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
