just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
