Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize