Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
