Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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