Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
