I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
