You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
