In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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