I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
how does that bad decision feel?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I did not marry a roomba.
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