she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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