some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
