If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There r osticjed everywhere
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
