Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
