hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
