yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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