I seem to have left my pride at pride
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
