I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize