My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
