Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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