We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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