The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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