Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
