I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
