Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
