So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
