peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
