I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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