you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize