so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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