He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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