I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't notice because vodka
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
