Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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