we're blogging at a bar
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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