just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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