The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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