so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
