I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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