I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
