I think I died a long time ago.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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