I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
