Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
