the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
